Mary's Mermaid Grotto

TIme will tell.

2012-02-16T20:40:00.002-08:00

Not like we all didn't already know this but men are complete idiots. Dumbest creatures on the planet. They don't know anything. THey don't know how to channel their emotions, they are stupid enough to post on fb about their ex gfs after their ex has texted them and they never replied. Yeah. That's how stupid my ex boyfriend is. They'd rather choose stupidity over women who love them and then....they act like little boys about it.

Garrett has pretty much ignored me since we haven't been together which has been...a month. I feel like he is approaching it like every situation he ever has approached which is ignore and try to act like it's not happening. Which DOES NOT WORK! I hate to tell boys...but ignoring things doesn't make them go away. It postpones them but they are still there. Learn your lesson...if it doesn't make anything else go away, it definitely doesn't make this go away.

The sad thing is, I have a lot to offer. I don't want to toot my own horn but I am fantastic. And I feel sorry for him if he doesn't eventually realize what he's lost. He didn't give us a chance...it just got hard and he just dipped...PEACE! Which is not the way you should handle things....I would have never given up without a fight. When you love someone, that's just not what you do. Boys are so stupid. They can't handle anything no matter how much they say they can.
I finally texted Garrett today because he has not made an effort and I said, "Hey just seeing what's up. Hope everything is going well and that you're having a great day!" He did eventually reply which I was almost surprised by. But all he said was "Thanks you too. It's been kind of a shitty week but whatever" ......1. I dont know what im sposed to say to that. Did he want me to ask why? 2. Why is it all about him? He couldn't have been decent enough to ask how I was? I DID make an effort....3. He's just really lame.
So i replied, "Hmm sorry to hear that. Hope it gets better!" then later i put "I'm here if you need me:)" he didn't reply of course. I'm sorry, I just don't understand. What we had was definitely more than how he is now acting. Or so I thought. Our relationship was mature...so why has he reverted back to acting like a child? Then my mom tells me he posted on fb "Today was really weird for me" OH? was it? poor you...How dreadful that it was WEIRD! I bet it was weirder for your ex gf who makes an effort to show she still cares about you and you treat her like crap. but whatever.

Gosh he's such an idiot. Atleast I know I've done all I can do. The ball is in his court now. I feel proud of myself and accomplished. If he decides not to take it, that's his problem and I feel bad that he missed out. If he decides to, I'll gain back a bit of the respect I had for him. Silly silly boys. Tsk tsk. We'll wait and see. Time will tell.

Hope he knows.

2012-02-03T23:35:00.000-08:00

Garrett told me happy birthday yesterday. On my facebook wall. I must admit, I expected a little more but honestly, boys might be the stupidest creatures on the planet. Knowing him, he probably thought I didn't want him to, or it wasn't his place or wondered if he should say anything at all, or maybe he didn't care that much and didn't wanna get my feelings riled up. So dumb. Way to be a little boy about it. All he's doing is playing videogames, facebooking and work. Thanks for dumping me for that. Sounds awesome. I don't know. My aunt told me to think positively. She said he's doing exactly what he said he's going to do: figure himself out and take time to himself. Which he is. I'm assuming he's filling himself with mindless activity like he always does to forget about everything. He always runs like that. He never tries to deal with a problem. He definitely needs to grow up in that aspect. I plan on texting him within the next week or so and just seeing how he's doing. Not anything else. My aunt said to keep it short and to the point because we wouldn't want my feelings to be messed up, knowing where he is and what he's doing. She's right. I know he's probably going to Macon this next weekend. Or atleast I am pretty sure. I hope he has fun. But honestly, I wonder if he'll get tired of it in a few months and want something new again. Like me, hopefully? Hopefully he'll miss me enough to want to come back to me. Cause honestly, this ultimately is a lot suckier of a decision for him to make....or atleast to stay with. I hope there is more than meets the eye with garrett as always...I hope he misses me. I hope he finds a way back. I'm just gonna let him do what he wants and live my own life. Hopefully my approach will make him come back....or if not, give us an opportunity to be friends. I care about him so much. I hope he knows.

If you love something...

2012-02-01T22:06:00.000-08:00

"If you love something, let it go....If it comes back, it is yours forever. If it doesn't, it was never meant to be.." Today is my birthday. I am scared as I can possibly be. What if Garrett doesn't tel me happy birthday? He was online 30 minutes ago...and he knows it's my birthday....I suppose that will be the end of that and I'll just have to be the more mature person afterwords. If he does say something, I'm assuming it won't be much so I will probably still have to talk to him. I wish this wasn't so hard. I wish he would just see....All I can concentrate on is this situation. It makes me upset because I hope that we can be bigger than this. I miss everything about him. His hair(apparently he got a haircut), his glasses on the side of my bed when we snuggle.. His eyes and his smile to his belly button lint and his happy trail. I miss everything. I miss the noises we used to make...trying to be quiet. I miss his sweetness....I love him.....so much. I hope he knows that. Or remembers that soon. I want to show him I am stronger than this but I don't know how to show him...

I had fun tonight at ashleys house but I don't know what else I should do....I miss him so much. I hope we can talk soon. I hope he cares enough to say happy birthday...If he doesn't, I don't know if I'll ever find someone true...Who really cares about me. Everything sucks right now. Please let the pain go away soon.

Waiting Game

2012-01-29T06:02:00.000-08:00

I guess I am now in that stage of second guessing myself because he hasn't called me yet. Not that I expect him to yet...it's only been a week or so. I can't think past my birthday. I keep trying to focus on that by then he surely must talk to me. And that's as far as I get....because honestly, life is so boring without him. I should not have creeped on his page this morning but I couldn't sleep. I am in the habit of imagining things that probably are not happening and I freak myself out. I am freaking out a little right now. I hope he misses me. I hope he's thinking about me. I hope he'll see that I was worth it. I am so scared...I am played for the idiot every time in relationships. I feel like this time could be no different. Although I hope Garrett cares for me more than that. I hope he still loves me and doesn't forget about me :( My heart breaks everytime I think about it.

I am trying my best to think about other things and I have been preoccupying myself with things to do but this weekend was hard because no one was in town. My mom is coming into town today. That will be fun. I miss her so much. I think I need to occupy myself with a job. I'm dying a little bit....haha. I am just so scared of those 'what ifs...' what if he's not thinking about me? what if he has moved on? what if there was not something about me that was special? (to him) Am I just wasting my breath? Oh, the heart, what a strong a fragile part of our soul. It often leads to more trouble then not. I hate playing this waiting game. It often leads to insecurity with me where I thought there was some security. I am trying to lead my own life but it is lacking in my best friend and my love. I pray I won't feel this way soon, that it's just a phase I'm going through. I pray he talks to me soon. I pray this wasn't all for nothing.

Hoping This Ends Soon

2012-01-23T14:26:00.000-08:00

It's my first day back to class in Valdosta after me and Garrett broke up. It freaking sucks. I am dodging all the places I usually go/meet them at just so I can avoid him. And then I get path notifications from him saying "couches" at Odum library! I hate not being able to go there. And I can't go to chick fil a Mondays anymore with them. But on the way back from hobby lobby I saw joey headed there. This is SO annoying. I can only hope that Garrett is feeling similar....or (hopefully that nothing is the same without me ;) haha. ) I'm had a lot of trouble concentrating in class today.....I couldn't get my mind off this. Garrett has it easy. He can just keep hanging out with friends to keep himself occupied, but those friends were my friends too, and I don't have the same luxury. I have scour for all these people I'm not close to anymore and a lot more people who I have nothing in common with. It's a little bit like torture. I however decided to run today and it made me feel a little better for a little bit. I also watched Mulan instead of going to painting class which i should've gone to. But I still didn't know exactly what I was doing so I figured I wouldn't. It's really really hard to find friends who aren't busy. Just saying. I hope this ends soon.

I think I'll remind him of why he fell in love with me.

2012-01-22T21:14:00.000-08:00

I hope I can remind him of the reason he fell in love with me. Garrett broke up with me this past thursday night. It was short and stranger like. I couldn't hate him...I have too much respect and love for him. His reasons were valid and I know he needs time to himself. He never gets that. I think if I could change anything about what I did in the relationship, it would have been to chill out a lot more. And not take him for granted. And not push him to talk about things. So I guess that's three things. I would change a lot of what I did and now that I think about it, next time I get into a relationship(with Garrett or with anyone) I will definitely put those changes in to action.

I have been crying a lot. But not near as much as I feel like I should be. Most of the time after break ups, I'm an emotional wreck. But this time I am choosing not to be. I would like to take Garrett's reasons seriously and respect him so I will give him all the time he needs to rediscover himself and deal with problems he has. In the mean time (assuming there is a mean time, because our breakup was too short to never talk again), I will rediscover MYself and remember the independence I lost in our relationship. Garrett was so sweet to want to do things for me, I got into habit of letting him. I started being needy which is stupid and I could tell after a while it got old. I took advantage of what garrett did for me so much. I fully regret that. He is so sweet and caring and genuine. He is my best friend. And I lost him. I shouldn't have done a lot of things in our relationship but on the chance that he wants to give it another shot, I know what to do. His needs should go way before mine. And sometimes I forgot that. It's not that I was purposefully doing it...it was just my nature to forget.

I keep wanting to tell people how much I hope we'll get back together. It's hard not to do this because I just want someone to be like, "yes! this is your future:......." right now it's a waiting game I guess and I hate waiting. And I know I shouldn't hope in these types of situations. I should only pray for God's will. And pray to help Garrett with what he's dealing with. It's not all about me. Besides, even if we don't get back together, it will still be a life lesson. However, I will say that I have never met someone who is better, inside and out than Garrett Morrisey. Everything I want in a guy is in Garrett. It is so on point. He doesn't dance or love Disney movies like I do....but dancing can be taught and not many guys love Disney movies. XD Gosh, I love him. He really is an amazing person.

I dread tomorrow...I dread class and thinking about it. I just want to stay in Warner Robins for a month and be a hermit (and that's pretty bad). But SERIOUSLY! I don't want a chance of seeing him or him getting mentioned or getting reminded....everytime I do it makes me tear up. But I just try to keep smiling. I keep telling myself that. I put my faith in God that everything will work out and to trust in Him. If I smile, things don't seem so bad. I plan on getting some of my life back so when Garrett sees me, he'll remember what he's missing. Or I hope so anyways :)

This blog was really only to organize my thoughts. Not for anyone to see.

Until next time...

Mary the Mermaid